


RWBY Incorrect Quotes

by Wxlipse



Category: RWBY
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 16:07:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30041253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wxlipse/pseuds/Wxlipse
Summary: Will be updated daily
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Most of this was taken off of my Wattpad, so there may be multiple times a character will appear in a row

Ruby: Hey, Weiss, Imma teach you how to make cereal! Grab some milk. And, OH MY GOD, WE'RE OUT OF MILK!

\---

Sun: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Neptune: That was deep

Fox: Philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie

Neptune: That was deeper

Coco: Common sense is knowing that ketchup isn't a damn smoothie you nasty

\---

Blake: Yang, why are you standing on the table?

Yang: I live in this house and I can do what I want to and you can't stop me.

Blake: Where is the spider?

Yang: In the corner, please kill it.

\---

Jaune: Alright, so who did it?

Pyrrha: D-did what?

Jaune: Who stole my last pancake?

Nora: I hwaf no idwa.

\---

Winter: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

Marrow: This knife is actually a magic wand.

Elm: Meet me in the Denny's parking lot for a wizard duel.

Harriet: *cocks gun* Magic missile.

Clover: What the fuck is wrong with you people

\---

Marrow: *Gently taps table*

Harriet: *Taps back*

Winter: What are they doing?

Elm: Morse code.

Marrow: *Aggressively taps table*

Harriet: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

\---

Robyn, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him

Fiona: You did WHAT–

May: William Snakepeare 

\---

Emerald: Physically, yes, I could fight a bird. But emotionally? Imagine the toll.

\---

Weiss: What time is it?

Ruby: I don't know; pass me that saxophone and we'll find out

Ruby: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*

Yang: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Ruby: It's 2 am

\---

Qrow: I prevented a murder today.

Tai: Really? How'd you do that?

Qrow: Self-control

\---

Marrow: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Winter: Okay, but in my defense, Elm bet me 50 cents I couldn't drink all that shampoo.

Marrow: That's not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

\---

Jaune: What do you think Nora will do for a distraction?

Pyrrha: They'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Pyrrha: ... or they could do that.

\---

Oscar: I think we're missing something.

Yang: Teamwork?

Jaune: Cohesion?

Ren: A general sense of what we're doing?

\---

Blake: Why are you on the floor?

Weiss: I'm depressed.

Weiss: Also I was stabbed, can you get Yang, please.

\---

Marrow: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Vine: Not if they consent to it.

Harriet: Depends who you're stabbing.

Elm: YES?!?

\---

Ruby: Do you ever drink coffee and suddenly you get really dizzy and then it's like the whole world is in slow motion, and you are figuring between space and time, then you can see everything and nothing while being lost in a world you never have known about?

Weiss: No?

Nora: [Nodding]

\---

Marrow: You know, I've always wondered. How do tall people sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you for your head to your toes?

Clover: MARROW!

Elm: It's 4 am!

Harriet: SHUT UP.

Vine: *sleeping*

\---

Marrow: Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Jaune: Sure! What's your favorite color?

Marrow: Triangle. Do you like men?

\---

Elm: Violence isn't the answer. 

Harriet: You're right. 

Elm: *sighs in relief*

Harriet: Violence is the question. 

Elm: What? 

Harriet, using her semblance to run away: And the answer is yes. 

Elm, running after her: NO-

\---

[The group is a prison cell that was just hit by an earthquake]

Qrow: Uh, I'm gonna roll a perception check of... 4, and see if our cell is, uh, in any way damaged by this quake

Robyn: You're in a prison cell :)

Winter: You did great. Well, I got a 10-

Robyn: You're in a prison cell with bars on it :3

Marrow: I got a 1!

Robyn: You're in... a cube-shaped place.

\---

Marrow: I just ended a four-year relationship.

Elm: Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

Marrow: Hm? Oh yeah, I'm fine. It wasn't my relationship.

*Harriet and Winter fighting from across the room*

\---

Glynda: No one's answering? I guess I have to call on someone.

Jaune: GET DOWN!

[Everyone scrambles under desks]

Glynda: You.

Pyhrra: Forty-two?

Glynda: WRONG!

Jaune: THEY GOT, PYHRRA!

\---

Marrow: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.

Clover: I'm not kissing any of you.

Qrow: [walks in]

Clover: Well, rules are rules.

\---

Clover: Ace of spades!

Harriet: Draw four! Red!

Elm: Go Pikachu!

Marrow: Guys, we are playing Monopoly!

\---

Marrow: WHY WOULD YOU GIVE A KNIFE TO HARRIET?!

Elm: She felt unsafe!

Marrow: Well, NOW I FEEL UNSAFE!

Elm: Sorry.

Marrow:

Elm: Do you want a knife?

\---

Harriet: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?

Vine: [crouches down]

Elm: [kneels down]

Marrow: [sits on the floor]

Harriet: I hate all of you.

\---

Clover: What does 'take out' mean?

Vine: Food.

Elm: Dating

Marrow: Murder

Harriet: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD

\---

Marrow: Truth or dare?

Harriet: Dare

Marrow: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room

Harriet: Hey Clover?

Clover: Yeah?

Harriet: Could you move? I'm trying to get to Elm

\---

Marrow: Tonight, one of you will betray us.

Harriet: Is it me, Marrow?

Marrow: No, it's not you.

Vine: Is it me, Marrow?

Marrow: It's not you either.

Elm: Is it me, Marrow?

Marrow:

Marrow, mockingly: Is IT mE Marrow?

\---

Clover: Hey, Elm? Can I get some dating advice?

Elm: Just because I'm with Harriet doesn't mean I know how I did it.

\---

The group is getting into the car

Elm: I'm driving.

Harriet, out of view: Shotgun!

Marrow, turning to face Harriet: Aww! But you had it on the way here-

Everyone except Harriet: WOAH-

Harriet, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat.

\---

Elm: Looking left cause you don't treat me right

Clover: Looking right because you left

Vine: Looking up cause you let me down

Harriet: Looking down cause you fucked up

Marrow: What is wrong with you guys?

\---

Winter: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

Marrow: This knife is actually a magic wand.

Elm: Meet me in the Denny's parking lot for a wizard duel.

Harriet: *cocks gun* Magic missile.

Clover: What the fuck is wrong with you people 

\---

Harriet: I made tea.

Marrow: I don't want tea.

Harriet: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Marrow: Then why are you telling me?

Harriet: It is a conversation starter.

Marrow: That's a lousy conversation starter.

Harriet: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

\---

Marrow: This is a mistake

Elm, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!

Marrow: But not today

Elm, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess

\---

Ironwood: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad. I just want to know.

Marrow: I did. I broke it.

Ironwood: No. No, you didn't. Elm?

Elm: Don't look at me. Look at Clover.

Clover: What?! I didn't break it.

Elm: Huh. That's weird. How did you even know it was broken?

Clover: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken!

Elm: Suspicious.

Clover: No, it's not.

Vine: If it matters, probably not, but Hare was the last one to use it.

Harriet: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Vine: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Harriet: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Vine!

Marrow: Okay, okay, let's not fight. I broke it; let me pay for it, General.

Ironwood: No. Who broke it?

Harriet: Sir, Winter's been awfully quiet

Winter: Really?!

Harriet: Yeah, really!

*Ace Ops arguing in background*

Ironwood: I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it.

\---

Elm: Anyone d-

Harriet: Depressed?

Vine: Drained?

Marrow: Dumb?

Clover: Disliked?

Elm: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people?

\---

Clover: Just be yourself.

Harriet: 'Be myself'? Clover, I have one day to win Elm over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Vine: Couple weeks.

Marrow: Six months.

Winter: Jury's still out.

Harriet: See, Clover?

Harriet: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

\---

Winter: I CAN'T DO IT!

Marrow, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

Winter: I CAN'T FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Marrow: WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Winter: I appreciate it, BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

Qrow: Winter-

Winter: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Robyn: Winter, we gotta-

Winter: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT. YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

Winter, motioning to Ironwood: NOT FUCKING THIS


	2. Chapter 2

Winter: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.

Weiss: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

\---

Cinder: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a FUCKING THREAT.

\---

Clover: Qrow and I don't use pet names.

Robyn: I see. Hey, what do bees make?

Clover: Honey?

Qrow: Yes, dear?

Clover:

Robyn: Don't ever lie to my face again.

\---

Robyn: We need to distract these guys

Qrow: Leave it to me

Qrow: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

Harriet, Elm, and Vine: *Immediately begin arguing*

Marrow, watching in horror: Oh this. I don't like this. I don't like this at all.

\---

Jaune: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Ren: You're a hazard to society

Nora: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

\---

Ruby: *Screams*

Yang: *Screams louder to assert dominance*

Weiss: Should we do something?

Blake, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.

\---

Cop: You're receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Ruby: Shit.

Yang: Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Weiss: OH MY GOD BLAKE FELL OFF!

\---

Jaune: Listen, I can explain

Oscar: You're making $500,000 and you're only gonna pay me $30,000?

Ren: You're getting 30 grand? I'm getting $1,000!

Nora: You guys are getting paid?

\---

Yang: How tall are you?

Weiss: Height is a social construct.

Yang: So you're short?

\---

Weiss, to Blake: My life is in the hands of an idiot!

Blake, motioning to herself and Yang: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

\---

Blake: Yang says "I love you" weird.

Ruby: How?

Blake: Watch this. Yang, I love you.

Yang: I'd kill for you.

\---

Ren: You guys, say Colorado--

Nora, skiing by: I'M A GIRAFFE!

\---

Yang: Dashing through the halls

Weiss: Failed my test yesterday

Ruby: Don't know where to go

Qrow: With my life today

Clover: Kill me with a stick

Ren: Or a knife will do

Jaune: School really does suck

Elm: I wish I was a duck.

Nora: OH!

Winter: Jingle bells.

Oscar: Taking L's

Ironwood: Hit me with a sleigh

Vine: I'm so done

Blake: This isn't fun

Harriet & Marrow: There goes my GPA  
\---

Emerald: What happens when you press the brake and the accelerator at the same time?

Mercury: It takes a screenshot.

Cinder: Get out, both of you.

\---

Weiss: Don't worry, I have a permit.

Winter: ... This just says "I can do what I want".

\---

Yang: Let's watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Weiss: Okay.

Yang: And make out during the scary parts.

Weiss: Th-

Weiss: The scary parts.

Weiss: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

\---

Blake: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

Weiss: You and me!

Blake, tearing up: Okay.

\---

Salem: I'm sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don't know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It's rude.

\---

Store Worker: Would a Ms. Blake please come to the front desk?

Blake, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: points to Ruby and Weiss

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Ruby and Weiss, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Blake: I didn't even bring you guys here with me-

\---

Jaune: Come on, I wasn't that drunk last night.

Nora: You were flirting with Ren.

Jaune: So what? They're my partner.

Nora: You asked them if they were single.

Jaune:

Nora: And then you cried when they said they weren't

\---

Coco: Isn't it weird that we pay money to see other people?

Yatsuhashi: Plane tickets?

Velvet: Concert tickets?

Fox: Prostitution?

Coco, holding their broken frames: Glasses.

\---

Oscar: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?

Yang: Rude.

Emerald: That's fair.

Jaune: Not again.

Ren: Are you going to want this back?

\---

Ren: Nothing in life is free.

Jaune: Love is free!

Yang: Adventure is free.

Oscar: Knowledge is free.

Emerald: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

\---

Blake: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Ruby: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Weiss: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

Yang: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

\---

Winter: You lying, cheating piece of shit!

Harriet: Oh yeah? You're the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Winter: I'm leaving you, and I'm taking the kids with me!

Elm: I think we're done playing Monopoly for tonight.

\---

Weiss : I'm going to take you out.

Yang: Great, it's a date!

Weiss: I meant that as a threat.

Yang: See you at five!

\---

Summer: How do I deal with my enemies?

Raven: Kill them

Summer : That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution.

Raven: Kill them only a little?

\---

Qrow : I was arrested for being too cool.

Winter: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

\---

Ruby: I think Weiss was right.

Blake: I'm surprised they haven't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

Yang: They wouldn't do that.

Weiss: You're right, Yang. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

Weiss: *turns around, the shirt she's wearing says 'Weiss Told You So' on the back*

\---

May: Don't worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Weiss: I think you mean cards.

May, pulling knives out of her sleeves: No, I do not.

\---

Ruby, about Emerald: Apparently we're getting someone new in the group.

Weiss: Are we stealing them?

Blake: New or used?

Yang: Wonderful responses, both of you.

\---

Robyn: I can't believe you live nearby, and you won't let anyone crash at your place.

Winter: You people already know too much about me.

May: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won't let any of us crash at your place.

\---

Ace Ops: Well, well, well... if it isn't my old friend: the dawning realization that I fucked up bad.

\---

Ironwood: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Vine: Have everyone stand.

Elm: Bring three more chairs!

Marrow: The most important ones can sit down.

Harriet: Kill three.

\---

Neptune: How's the sexiest person here~?

Sun: I don't know, how are they~?

Neptune, flustered: I-

Coco, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

\---

Yang: I told Weiss their ears flush when they lie.

Blake: Why?

Yang: Look.

Yang: Hey Weiss! Do you love us?

Weiss, covering her ears: No.

Blake:

\---

Blake: Ilia and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's-

Ilia : Sentences.

Blake: Don't interrupt me.

\---

Kali, driving Blake and Sun: So how was your day?

Sun: We almost got surprise adopted!

Kali: What?

Blake: We almost got kidnapped.

Kali: Oh, okay.

Kali: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

\---

Yang: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life.

Ren: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Yang : Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Nora: edible

\---

Velvet: Good morning.

Yatsuhashi: Good morning.

Coco: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Fox, telepathically: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

\---

Marrow: Are we there yet?

Harriet: No.

Marrow: How about now?

Harriet: No!

Marrow: How about--

Harriet: Marrow, you have been asking for an hour! Stop!

Elm: Are we there yet?

Harriet: Elm, don't encourage him! Clover, can you believe them?

Clover: Huh? Sorry, I put my earbuds in an like hour ago. 

\---

Ruby: Wake me up...

Yang: Before you go go!

Blake: When September ends...

Weiss: WAKE ME UP INSIDE-

\---

Ruby: Yang isn't answering her scroll

Blake: I'll call

Ruby: Weiss and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Yang: Hello?

\---

Pyhrra: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-

Pyhrra and Nora, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!

Jaune: Our turn, Ren! One, two, three- vanilla!

Ren, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake?

\---

Cinder, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.

Emerald: But – that's just a trash can.

Cinder: It sure is!

\---

Nora: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Weiss's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get them out...

\---

Yang: Rules are made to be broken. 

Weiss: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. 

Ruby: Uh, piñatas. 

Blake: Glow sticks. 

Sun: Karate boards. 

Neptune: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. 

Yang: Rules. 

Weiss:

\---

Clover: So uhhh... my question is: my friend keeps on going into the pantry and grabbing handfuls of fettuccine... uncooked...

Marrow: I would hope they're not grabbing handfuls of cooked fettuccine!

Vine: In your pantry.

Clover: Yeah... and eating them raw, and they keep calling them 'chips'. ... How do I make them stop?

Marrow: Is your friend here?

Clover, motioning to Harriet: Yeah.

Marrow, to Harriet: You're a monster! Words MEAN things! >:(

Elm: Does anybody remember- I haven't been to Olive Garden in many moons- but they DO have a like- fettuccine bottle that you can just- grab em out of and chew-

Elm: HOLD ON. WAS THIS A PRANK YOU GUYS PULLED ON ME WHEN WE WENT TO OLIVE GARDEN AS KIDS?!

Elm: NO, STOP. EVERYBODY SHUT UP. DO THEY GIVE YOU RAW FETTUCCINE TO CHEW ON IN THE LOBBY OF THE OLIVE GARDEN

Everyone else: No.

Elm, to Marrow and Harriet: YOU FUCKIN BASTARDS

Marrow: YAAAAAAAAY!

Harriet: THE PRESTIGE!


End file.
